kiwi_from_hell (kiwi_from_hell) wrote in rubyfruitjungle,


Short intro bit, with the necessary back story: I'm 16, english and from the part of england that's still in the middle ages, female, catholic family though I'm not religious I was bought up with it so for a while I struggled with the moral side of things, and I'm currently going through a sexuality crisis kinda thing where feelings that surpass friendship have developed with my best friend. It started with jokes about how close we are, and then doing things for effect like touching each others legs under the desk (i don't know how that was ever for effect, to be honest) became very definately not for effect. It took a long time for us to work up to talking about it, and when we did talk about it it took a long time to actually *say* anything. You know, we would talk about "this thing" but never actually admit anything. We've steadily over the past couple of months talked about it more and in more detail. I made the mistake of getting carried away thinking about the stuff like "do I want to risk our friendship" and how much other people's opinions would matter to me, and skipped the difficult part of figuring out what I want. So...emotional side of things - she's the most important person in my life, I'm happier when I'm around her, all the sentimental stuff. Sexual side of things I'm a lot less sure on - close contact does get a reaction out of me but this could be just because it's contact, instead of a sign of specific feelings towards her. I don't think there's a lot of attraction there (there is some) but there is a desire to be physically close to her. Both of us have been in relationships with guys before.

SO! I'm not just ranting about my personal situation (well, I kinda am) but I'm offering this up for in-depth discussion. I will be happy to answer any questions, from any angle and about any aspect. If anyone has anything they think it might be helpful for me to read, I'd be grateful.
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